Night Walks - Jillian Hand

Night Walks

Jillian Hand

When I can’t sleep

I walk through the crowded city in my mind

desperate to separate my tangled thoughts from the heavy throngs of emotions littered on the sidewalk.

Discarded gum sticks to the soles of my shoes like the memories of all the people who have left me standing on that very cement, soaked after the rain.

I pass the faces I wanted to forget

each one shouting my failures and fears in an endless chant.

You’re weak.

You’ll never make it.

You have no idea what you’re doing.

Each declaration descends upon me like a brick,

Until a wall is built.

I’m trapped and can’t get out.

I’m a prisoner in the city I own.

It’s a strange feeling when

you lose control of yourself.

The city shoves me into the streets, where I land

in the middle of a traffic jam.

I’m trapped between Anxiety and Dread

with nothing to do but

crawl between the cars.

poetry